Let me start this post off by saying I am all about people striving for the best in all aspects of their lives from personal to professional. I do not ever want to see people settling for less than they deserve in love or in life. With the exception of becoming president, I believe that most of our dreams are not outlandish and can be achieved with the right amount of confidence, dedication, and a strong work ethic.
Something I have noticed recently, specifically within my age group, is that most people have a whole lot of confidence, which is great, but low levels of authentic dedication and an even weaker work ethic. Somehow we have come to believe that simply by going through the motions we can be “great” when really we are on the road to being average at best. Every day I go online and see countless posts about “making it”, and while everyone has a different measure of success, the ideas pretty much remain the same. I probably read about 10 “I’m going to make a million by the time I’m 30 #dontbelievemejustwatch” tweets before noon on any given day, but most of these people are folks I know in real life who spend more time online than anything else. What are YOU doing to make your dreams a tangible reality? You want to be a millionaire? What are you doing to make that happen? Your friends say you’re pretty and that you should model? Instagram is great but separate yourself, get some professional photos taken and put yourself out there. You want to be an activist or motivational speaker? Use social media, of course, but get out there and make a difference in your community too. You want to be a rapper? Great. Nobody is going to discover your greatness while you put minimal effort into your craft (production, image, promotion, etc.)
Many of my peers are seniors, and are furiously on the job hunt. Many times I hear these students complaining about how they have not gotten hired yet. News flash: just because you are “nice”, “work hard”, and have a high GPA does not mean shit. Recognize that in the job search YOU are not doing the company a favor by applying, and unless you literally shit gold there is a chance that you will lsoe out on job opportunities to one of the thousands of candidates they are looking at. In this competitive job climate, being a “recent grad” is not enough: the employer has to see why they should do you a favor and hire YOU.
The same basic outlook on achievement transfers over to relationships as well. From a young age we are told to “reach for the stars” and women in particularly are told to find the one who treats them like a “princess”. I do not want to blow up anyone’s fantasy right now but none of us are princesses, and as much as we deserve to be respected and cherished, the men in our lives should be receiving that same respect in full…not coming to “save us” and put in all of the work. We all want a loving, sexy, smart, successful, and respectful man but what are we doing to attract them? I have heard people say that if they meet a man who is not fully established by 25, he is no longer in the running as a potential partner. But the question you should ask yourself is where will you be when you are 25, and if you will be deserving of a fully mature man who has his shit together by then (which is only a couple years from now, by the way). Many men are guilty of this too: she has to be a 10 but you’re a strong 6 at best, she has to have her own but you can barely provide for yourself, and she must be loyal but you are out here pretending to be single. I really need to know, aside from mediocre sex and having a car, what do you bring to the table?
For me personally, I know that I am in no place for a relationship because I am not at my best. I know my strengths: I am giving, compassionate, a good communicator, positive, smart, and driven. But I am about to move to NYC with no concrete plan whatsoever except for where I am going to live. Do I want to jump into a career right away? Do I want to travel? Do I want to go to grad school next year? I don’t know the answers to these yet, but I do know that I want to be more established and make choices on my own before I bring somebody else into my world. Right now it is chaotic and the only thing that I am certain about is that I want to explore and find out things for myself. While eventually I will want a partner who stimulates me on all levels and makes me want to set my solo status aside, I want to be at a certain level of success and maturity so that I am ready to elevate that person with me.
This post is not to knock anyone’s dreams, but simply to shine light on the fact that for most, success does not come easy. Not everyone gets “discovered” and not everyone makes $100,000 a year by doing the bare minimum. Not everyone’s first job is their dream job, and not all of us are going to become famous writers or video vixens who get to make their living off of writing tell-all novels (do we really want that life anyway?) I want us all to be great, and in turn attract and achieve what we truly deserve at work, at home, or wherever we choose to go. While we all deserve the best, but we need to make sure that we are our best selves first.