On Being Alone

We all know that girl – she is hopelessly romantic, has a new boyfruend every couple months and uses social media to broadcast her relationship status. You can log on to Twitter, Facebook or Instagram at any moment and essentially catch yourself up on the happenings of her relationship, and her tone of voice fluctuates depending on whether or not her and the boyfriend are on good terms. On Monday she may post “me and my baby forever and always 8.6.2014 xo” but by the end of the week she’s angrily tweeting “SINGLE!” Her ever-changing outlook on love is evident amongst her friend group too, who have to deal with her mood swings. When booed up, everything is sunshine and rainbows and subtle shade towards her single friends. But when single, she is absolutely miserable until someone new comes into the picture.

The sad thing is that this is not simply behavior of high school girls, but grown women too. I thought maybe some of this behavior would end after age 19 but it is more common than ever to see people broadcasting the entirety of their private life in public. It is one thing to like being in a relationship, but another to need one to complete you and validate your existence.

Anyone who knows me knows I love love. I think a fulfilling, mutual, and loving relationship is one of the best things life has to offer, but it is not a necessity. After college, I learned to truly enjoy being alone and actually enjoy it. Still, being “alone” has a very negative connotation for most people, especially young women. If someone had told me that being single was fun a year ago I probably would have laughed and conclude they were just trying to justify their loneliness. Admittedly, I was a serial monogamist in part trying to fill a void that existed after a previous relationship was ended. If I wasn’t in a relationship, I would think there was something wrong with me if I didn’t at least have someone to talk to casually or “come over and chill” on any given night. So many of us strive to be booed up, its hard to take it when we don’t have someone by our side, accessible physically or emotionally at any part of the day. This is particularly try for newly single people who need a quick replacement to their sudden loneliness, which I understand. What I DON’T understand is how someone can jump from person to person without taking a breath for some self-reflection. These people who feel that they need a relationship tend to make the same mistakes repeatedly and do not truly grow.

Single people are not exempt from these issues. Some people, even out of relationships, can’t let a day go by without finding someone of the opposite sex to talk to. Whether its someone to like their Instagram post or someone to make small talk with during class or a work day, some singles still need that constant attention. Yes, we all want to feel valued and wanted, but a few days or even weeks of solitude is not just normal but beneficial. And you do not have to justify this time away from the dating world, because I guarantee you that girl who is “in love” is not at all as happy as she seems.

If you do not know by now I am unapologetically single. I was not always this way and it took me almost a year to get there, but its more liberating than anything. On nights where I don’t have someone to go out with, I take myself out. We spend so much time trying to please others, not realizing that life is much more enjoyable when you respect and live for your own health and happiness. People always tell you to love yourself first which sounds like bullshit but is actually something to hold dear to you. Only you have the power to recognize your faults, your daddy/mommy issues, or your insecurity and actually enjoying being in your own skin. True satisfaction begins within, and that is something nobody else will ever be able to give you.


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