I found a meme on Instagram, the all-knowing source of wisdom and knowledge, that read “Beyonce is married to Jay Z. Beyonce was in kindergarten when Jay was in middle school, so look past men your age and you might just find your husband!” After getting over the creepiness of this this analogy, I laughed. It got me thinking about one of the most frequently brought up topics between myself and my girlfriends since we before we even hit high school: dating older men.
There is something incredibly alluring an older guy (and before anyone jumps to conclusions I am not talking about someone’s dad or a 50 year old sugar daddy – I mean someone just a few years ahead of you.) There is an element of mystery to someone who has more experience than you in almost every area of life – even if its just a couple of years worth – especially when you are still figuring your shit out. College and your twenties are some of the most transformative years of your life, and those going through it know just significant these lessons and experiences are. Meeting a guy who has, for the most part, grown into himself and at least somewhat knows what he wants is extremely refreshing for girls who go crazy with the frequent indecision and unpredictability of guys their own age. And if the older bae in question has the ability to pass some of that wisdom onto you in a non-condescending way it is absolutely a bonus and hot as hell.
The appeal of older men is evident from early in a girl’s life: movie plots revolve around it, teenage rebellion thrives on it (sorry dad!), and the mystique of college boys fuels the imaginations of high school girls everywhere. When I was 13 I crushed on pretty much every 16 year old snowboarding instructor I saw. When I was a freshman in high school I had the absolute BIGGEST crush on a senior guy because my 15-year-old brain swooned at the thought of his maturity and sensitivity that freshman boys just did not possess (ha!) When I was a high school senior heading off to college I thought “wow I can’t wait to meet mature college boys!!!!” We are talking about almost a decade of this type of thinking, and I’m confident that I am not the only one.
As a post-grad, this concept of dating “up” is more relevant than ever. I cannot speak on all men just like I cannot speak for all women, but the men my age I have met since graduating school are the exact same beer pong playing, keg-chugging, dick -slinging college boys they were 4 months ago, except now they have more money and more freedom – a recipe for disaster. This is particularly true in a city like New York, which many call Disney Land for adults and statistics show is the home of George Clooney types who refuse to settle down until they are pretty much forced to at gunpoint. Despite the literal millions of people out there the dating can sometimes seem particularly sad, just as it may seem in a small town or college setting. Now before someone comes at me with “NOT ALL GUYS ARE _____”, let me just say there are obviously younger guys out here who are open to relationships, are more mature for their age, know how to treat the ladies etc. They are unicorns.
Girls admire older guys for the same reasons guys lust after older women: confidence, wisdom, security and attractiveness. I mean, a guy who knows EXACTLY what he wants, is direct, and is straight up with his feelings about me? Sign me up. These days, my friends seem to exclusively date older, citing 26 and up as the best fit for them on an emotional and physical standpoint. The first relatively older guy I went out with this summer planned almost every date in full, picked me up, asked me actual questions about myself, openly answered my own and held conversation outside of trying to pass go and collect $200 (a Netflix and chill session.) He opened his car door for me, walked me to my door followed up after he got home. I was borderline mindfucked, because so much of the basic treatment that women appreciate is so often overlooked by men our age. I realized that concern and thoughtfulness is what I want and need in a potential partner, and it is not being someone’s fuck buddy, blunt roller, or alcohol supplier.
I really hope nobody takes this article as shitting on twenty-something year old guys. I’m also not saying that dating an older guy will always be sunshine and rainbows cause we’ve all heard of some older guys who use jedi-mind tricks to fuck up your life. But I truly believe that every girl should try an older guy at least once. If you never try you’ll never know.