On Ghosting

Modern dating is akin to surviving The Hunger Games – it is not for the faint of heart. It requires confidence, patience, trial and error. Dating is an investment – when playing the game one must be all in, emotionally exposed and unafraid of rejection. We put ourselves out there in hopes of connecting with someone who can satiate our innate desire to love and be loved (or at least laid.) A true journey is nothing without a few challenges along the way  – managing expectations, following “rules”, navigating societal practices/norms, breakups, the dreaded “what are we” conversation, dodging f*ckboys, and most recently ghosting – which for those unfamiliar is exactly as scary as it sounds.

Ghosting is the act of literally leaving a dating prospect hanging. One party (the ghost) decides that they are no longer interested in moving forward and proceeds to eliminate contact with the other (the ghostee). The ghost is the decider: he/she is in charge of making the executive decision to cut communication via a method of their choosing, be it a slow fade – a steady and mysterious decline of interaction – or an abrupt, unprecedented end to all communication (rude!) The ghostee, often blindsided, is subsequently left to sit and wonder many things, the main one being “what the actual f*ck just happened.” There is no closure, except for the closure you create to get through such times – I personally recommend journaling and hitting a punching bag or two, while others may prefer drinking a liter of Yellowtail and venting on Twitter. In this sensitive time, you are encouraged to do you.

Being ghosted could actually be quite funny if it wasn’t so maddening. There is something particularly cruel about being forced to acknowledged that while there are a million and one ways to get in touch with someone, you are being ignored on single one of them. This level of rejection is enough to drive even the most laid-back person to absolute insanity. Rejection stings no matter when it occurs – be it after one date, several months of seeing each other or perhaps at some point in a long-term relationship (yes, this does happen!) For the weeks following said ghosting there is often a full-blown period that spans the full five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance).  How long this mourning lasts depends on the ghostee – more experienced daters may appear to bounce back quickly, licking their wounds and chalking it up to part of the game. The first cut is definitely the deepest, so one’s first ghosting experience will definitely warrant a few weeks of wallowing in self-pity and talking lots of shit about how big of a douche said ghostee is, regardless of whether or not its based in fact (screw facts, this is about you!)

In reality, having someone ghost you is for the best as it frees you up to explore other, more compatible prospects – you know, those people who actually like you. Yes, you  will move on. But in the mind of a millenial, being ghosted leaves an interminable sting of rejection, a painful reminder of a near-fatal blow to the ego – which, for many of us, is worse than death. More often than not, the pain comes from the loss of potential of a relationship that was never actualized, of not being someone’s type. It triggers our deep-seated insecurities, ranging from body image issues, our level of intelligence, to our personalities – as if a flat ass or a penchant for profanity are legitimate reasons why someone disappears. All of this blinds us to the fact that there was nothing that could have been done differently to change this outcome – so no, do not go back and retrace every text, call or interaction to see where you messed up. The only closure that brings any satisfaction cannot be given by anyone else but us, and more often than not the reasons for said disappearance has little to do with you. However difficult it may be to believe it, your ghost is likely not an evil person, just an extremely cowardly one. Refrain from angrily throwing darts at their photo or wishing them a lifetime of unhappiness. You are, however, welcome to rip them a new one via text, as my friend Jess* did in the recent past:

“I had a few great dates with this guy, and after one night I left my portable charger at his apartment. I shot him a text letting him know, and he said he would get it back to me. A week later, I hadn’t heard from him so I reached out again – letting him know that if he doesn’t want to see me again and no hard feelings but that I really wanted my charger back. He immediately answers – saying he’s sorry, he’s getting back with his ex, of COURSE he will send me my phone charger. Three weeks pass and still nothing – I message again. No response. At this point, I’m LIVID. I go full on crazy – send him a novel cursing him out and shaming him for not being truthful.

In reality, I just wanted him to be honest with me. Needless to say, he never answered my crazy message, but I got my phone charger in the mail shortly after, so it was a win for me!”

Lesson here: If venting to your ghost feels good, do it but make it a one and done type of thing . Do not expect a response – Remember that a ghost is trying to avoid any and all confrontation via cutting contact with you, so the best move after getting things off your chest is ghosting them right back. Also, for the love of god give back people’s stuff in a timely manner. A girl needs her portable charger!

I had to ask some of my eligible lady friends – is there any time when ghosting is okay? It was generally agreed upon that if you have been on less than 5 dates you are allowed to ghost, noting that “it is especially hurtful to tell someone you don’t want to date them anymore when you don’t know them very well.” In this case the ghostee will likely be pissed, but not wounded. Ghosting is also acceptable after a particularly awful first date or when dodging a creep/stage-5-level stalker who is giving you serious vibes (the bad kind) or anyone who comments negatively on your appearance (#boyBYE). As for someone you’ve been seeing consistently for a month or longer, out of courtesy you need to bite the bullet and tell them its a wrap. “Not that it’s ever easy to end things with someone, nor is it ever easy to hear,” one friend said, “but I think after you’ve been dating for a while – like a month or 5+ dates – it’s just good manners to tell them you want to end it.”

My friend Natalie, who has a strict “no ghosting” policy regardless of how many dates she has been on with a guy, takes the high road and has had positive results. “You’re not always to mesh with people – especially when you meet them on social media it can take a couple of dates to really decide if you are into them.” She continued with, “early on some guys fall faster than I do (within 1-2 dates) and I don’t want to deal with the fallout, but its mortifying to reach out to someone and not get a response, so instead of ghosting I tell them ‘hey, I don’t feel the romantic chemistry I’m looking for. No hard feelings.'” She says the men in question have responded well, despite being a bit disappointed (rightfully so, she’s a catch!) But being truthful is key, so do not say that you will reach out again when you know you won’t and for the love of god do not set up a next date and then disappear. Also, eliminate “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now” from your vocabulary – because everyone knows that is B.S.

And there you have it – ghosting is pretty much never okay, unless its very early on in the process or after a painfully awful Tinder date with a creep or asshole. While ghosting may seem like the best strategy to temporarily avoid emotions and confrontation, be considerate of the person on the other side – however painful this may be for you, being ghosted is much worse on the recipient’s end. If you are ghosted, ride out your feels however you see fit and then keep it moving to someone that fully reciprocates your affections – this is an infinitely superior and rewarding use of your energy. If you feel the need to ghost, let them down easy. I recommend this one-liner from my friend Carly: “I enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t see this working out. Good luck, and I wish you the best.” Telling someone they are not for you is never easy, but completely disappearing is a surefire way to become haunted by ghosts-of-dating past – or at least deserving of some bad dating karma. Who wants that?

A (Feminist) Rant

I am naturally reserved, patient and submissive – qualities often associated with femininity. I am also a no-nonsense, in-your-face feminist that does not play games. Let me explain.

I am all about women doing whatever the hell they want, today and always. I am of the mindset that unless they directly harm myself or others, a woman’s choices are hers to make and hers alone. So long as she is not endangering the world around her, a woman can dress, act and behave in any way that makes her happy and should not be subjected to the ridicule of the outside world. Point blank.

I have not always been this way nor I am I fully healed from years of conditioning – I have been guilty of making hasty comments about a woman’s appearance or behavior from promiscuity, blind ambition or a hair style. It took me years to see that competitiveness and resentment towards other women in American culture is both supported and ultimately expected in all aspects of life from the workplace to romance, and breaking free from this destructive habit is no simple task. There are other women who prefer to adhere to the damning way of thinking that she needs to put others down to succeed (see: corporate hierarchies everywhere.) I often still find myself slipping back into judgemental tendencies from my teenage years, promptly forcing myself to stop before the words slip out and I revert back to my old ways.

Personal growth requires definitive change. As a result I am much quieter, though no longer out of fear or insecurity but to ensure my words are contributing constructive and positive value to this incessantly negative world. Though generally laid back and slow to anger, I have become more sensitive – particularly towards people who offer their opinions on women without being asked for it or get themselves off by bringing women down (a la Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.) I am a supporter, and therefore will not tolerate any degrading bullshit from men or women who insist on delivering their self-righteous critiques on an individual’s appearance or actions. This is not to say that people are not entitled to their beloved opinions but, contrary to what many milleinials believe, not every opinion is necessary or valid. Before speaking them into the universe, I recommend that we all take time to be more mindful of our criticisms, especially when it comes to things that do not personally affect us. I promise that you will find that when you expend less energy on useless things that do not concern you and more so on what actually matters, you are free to dealing with your own shit – of which I am sure there is a lot.

See list below of items that, unless requested, do not require your validation or input whatsoever:

  • A woman’s appearance (clothes, hair, makeup, grooming, etc.)
  • A woman’s behavior and character (introvert/extrovert/ambivert, loud, soft-spoken, profane, timid, secure/insecure, religious/spiritual/neither, independent, social, family-oriented, party girl, homebody etc.)
  • A woman’s sexual preferences (LGBTQ, promiscuous, monogamous, chaste or born-again, submissive/dominant, poly, asexual, etc.)
  • A woman’s decisions (single/married, employed/unemployed, children, abortion, birth control etc.)
  • A woman’s past (we all have one)
  • A woman’s feelings (for fuck’s sake just be quiet and let us speak)

 

 

Online Dating: A Love/Hate Story

My longest relationship to date has been my on and off again relationship with online dating apps. Between Tinder, Bumble, something called Coffee Meets Bagel and countless others, the options at our fingertips are seemingly endless. While the whole notion of finding love online likely weirded most of us out in 2009, to meet a single millenial today that does not have a profile on one or more of these apps is shocking. We are addicted to the rush – the instant gratification that comes from being “liked” by a hot stranger. I am no exception here, being the first to admit that during the summer after my college graduation I was so caught up that I often swiped through potential matches while my date for the evening was in the bathroom. Sometimes I double-booked. Other times I swiped at work and while out to dinner with friends. By midsummer I was averaging 3-4 dates per week, constantly searching for someone smarter, taller or more exciting to stroke my overly inflated ego.

Dating with such ferocity is, of course, unsustainable. My desire to meet new people gradually waned, making small talk tedious and first-date jitters scarce. The once exciting process of doing my hair and makeup before walking out the door felt more like prepping for a job interview. While it would make sense for one’s self-esteem to go up with more and more dates, for me it was the complete opposite. With each guy that did not blow me away within the first few moments of us meeting I lost complete faith in finding someone that fit all of my requirements which in hindsight were absolute bullshit. For a guy to not call me back was not simply a rejection but a mortifying personal attack on my appearance, intelligence and personality that I could not shake. Despite this negativity I continued through the remainder of that year, succumbing to the unwritten social obligation for the single girl to eventually stop being single and find someone. I had no vision of what my ideal relationship looked like and therefore received from the universe exactly what I put out: a mixed bag of fuckboys ranging from emotionally inept to emotionally suffocating, rich and narcissistic to creative and overbearing. I tried to make dead-end situationships work with guys who I saw potential in. I promised to kick my habit, but within 24 hours of a breakup I would be back online trying to find the next best thing, swiping blindly on subways and on lunch breaks. I kept doing so regardless of high or low I felt, going out with guys even when I was clearly not ready. There were many attempts to stop, but I always came back.

At the top of this year, three weeks into my resolution to swear off online dating completely, I relapsed. Right away I matched with a guy and went back and forth, exchanging numbers soon after. We met up for drinks and I felt an instant vibe, which never happens because out of every 2,000 profiles about 90% of them are rejected and then the 5% of dates that do end up panning out are usually awkward and/or boring as all hell. He was a nice, funny guy with a bit of edge who you could tell loves his mom a lot. He was creative and witty, with a personality completely unlike the showy finance bros that lead with their salaries. He was also hot – not in the way where I wanted to jump him but I knew after a few minutes (and later, a few cocktails) that I wanted to know more. While we only dated briefly, I noticed a shift in my mindset as I did not feel defeated that it did not develop further. I am moving forward with restored confidence in the existence of hot-but-also-nice guys and also in myself to put myself out there without fear and expectations. And for me, that is progress.

Online dating has afforded us the opportunity to meet people that we may not have encountered otherwise, and that is absolutely incredible. We have opportunities created for us and available at the push of a button – a luxury our parents never had. Tinder is certainly not the problem when it comes to modern dating – it is the mind of the user that needs a shift as to not get so deeply attached to the ego. I do not want to get so wrapped up in finding a partner that I forget to live consciously in the present. I do not ever want to be the girl swiping at a bar on a Friday night or writing a guy off for being corny or “not my type.” I want to be excited about a first date, filled with stupid small talk about hometowns, hobbies and a moment or two of awkward silence. I want to connect with people, thinking of nothing outside of enjoying someone’s company for a couple of hours. Meeting someone that I think is interesting and who I also want to make out with rarely happens, but when it does (on or offline) I will aim to enjoy the experience for what it is and take my ego out of it.

 

 

The Princess Mentality

For as long as I can remember my parents have called me a princess. Now before you roll your eyes, this isn’t all bad, given that it set me up to believe I was of high value and deserving of great things in life. Simultaneously, however, it instilled a sense of passiveness within me – one that had me kicking my feet up for years and just waiting for good things to happen as opposed to going out and taking things for myself. This included but was not limited to dating, where I would just wait for someone to approach me and let things go from there. Ask a guy for his number? Approach a guy I thought was attractive? Send a DM? Ask a guy to take me out? Never. Because of course, that would make me a thirsty bitch. That’s the princess mentality hard at work.

At the core of this passiveness was, of course, a fear of rejection. When you are raised to think that you are extremely special, your ego grows. Millenials are particularly afraid of rejection, causing us to shy away from living outside of our comfort zones. We have all been conditioned to be so deathly afraid of rejection its crippled us to the point where nobody is approaching anybody. Going out is akin to a 6th grade dance where everyone is being shy, standing against the wall, waiting to be asked to dance. The internet is a constant battle of the sexes where everyone seems hurt and afraid to put ourselves out there out of fear of damaging our fragile egos. We are comfortable with being passive because blaming things on circumstances seemingly out of our control is so much easier than owning our shit. Our egos are on Kanye levels and pretending is at an all time high. I only wish more people knew that they have the power to rise above all of this.

One morning a few weeks ago, I woke up. I know it sounds insane but in that moment I realized that I was powerful and have complete control over everything in my life, even if at times it doesn’t seem like it. Everything I had previously worried about, people’s perceptions of me, all of the fear just disappeared.  Other people’s opinions, while valid, have no bearing on who I actually am. I am wearing my hair natural for the first time since middle school, dressing in clothes that I like for my body type and shooting my shot at any hottie that I want to get to know better without worrying about things that used to bother me – including but not limited to: Will he like me? What if he has a girlfriend? He’ll definitely think I’m easy because I’m approaching him first and not waiting for him to notice my subtle eye contact. Even if I go up to a guy and he has a girlfriend or god forbid  I am not his type or whatever, my life goes on. 

Men and women alike clown others for being aggressive and going after what they want but they are only playing themselves. Guys would rather go on Twitter and rant about how there are no good women than actually ask out the girl they have been crushing on for years. Women go to parties and sit on their phones the entire time, trying to seem hot and aloof while waiting for guys to notice them. Pro tip: Stop staring at your dry ass timeline and get out there. Contrary to what you have been told, its not about what you look like or what you have – its about caring less about others (in a non-narcissistic way) and realizing nobody else is going to bring you happiness but yourself. Go up to that cute guy at Trader Joe’s or that barista who makes your coffee every morning. Think about the worst possible thing that could happen. If you’re currently thinking “he/she will reject me”, then you need to re-read this entire article.

 

 

Breakups

A few weeks ago, post-breakup, I can safely say that I was in my feelings. There was no rom com and ice cream binge. There were barely any tears because I had cried during the weeks before it even happened. Instead, I went to LA and drank lots of tequila and ate tacos for a week with one of my best friends. I highly recommend this method of coping.

Today I can honestly say that I am okay. This post is not going to be like the initial piece I drafted which in hindsight was more of a letter to my ex than an actual blog post for everyone to to see (pro tip: do not post when you’re reeling from a breakup. It is not cute!) I decided to keep that one for me and primarily focus on moving forward. Anyone who knows me knows that I can hold a grudge to the death. I am still salty at this kid who popped one of my balloons during my 8th birthday party. But when it comes to exes, I put them into two categories: 1) eternally banished assclown and 2) still an assclown but perhaps civility can happen in the future. I decided to go against perhaps better judgement and stay friends with my ex, because I realized after I got over the blow to my ego that I was not actually mad at him, but more so at the overall situation. I chalked it up to lessons learned: no more long distance relationships, know when your man is acting up and most importantly: breakups are not the end of the world, but simply the end of a phase.

This post is short but sweet. I did not want to simply gloss over my breakup as though it did not affect me, because it was an impactful part of my life. I loved him and anyone close to me knows that. As a writer, its only fair that I expose both the good and bad sides of my life. This is not Instagram where everyone only shares the bougie and fun shit they’re up to. I will always remain honest on here, whether I am hurting or I am feeling invincible. More than anything I want our emotionally challenged generation to understand that it is fine to feel sad and vulnerable. You don’t have to be “good” all the damn time. You will never be able to avoid getting hurt, but pain is temporary, so fall in and out of love as it happens and enjoy these experiences regardless of how they end.

The Open Relationship

Those who know me well know that there are a few topics that really get me going. On a daily basis my mind wanders rapidly, contemplating everything from politics and the agenda of the U.S. government to whether I should love or hate Chris Brown. More often than not my thoughts dive into the concept of monogamy: a concept that has permeated my brain since childhood via Disney movies and romantic comedies. In a world where plenty of people seem to have a side chick or homeboy to call when their man is acting up, monogamy seems more foreign to me than ever.

I try to stay away from thinking in terms of right and wrong, which keeps me open to new ideas. Unfortunately this also drives me batshit crazy because I examine these topics from every possible perspective. While many folks shame polygamous relationships as the most unnatural and sinful blasphemous practice on the planet, I prefer to take a more different approach because #feminism. To be clear, my parents have been married for 30 years and are one of the best couples ever (not up for debate). I am a die-hard romantic and I have always practiced monogamy, but I also believe that monogamy is a choice, not the rule, and that many relationships can work outside of the traditional constructs with a bit of flexibility

The open relationship/consensual non-monogamy is from a new concept and is understood across the globe with the exception of the West as “monogamy” is primarily a modern practice developed not so long ago. While these relationships take many forms and can be adjusted to fit the needs of a couple, the arrangement strives to make sure every person involved is fully satisfied emotionally and physically. Mainstream society mainly showcases polyamory, i.e. TLC’s “Sister Wives” and coverage of Akon’s way of life, but I promise your arrangement can be much simpler. Some folks are fine with letting their partners hook up with someone new, be that a kiss to an ongoing friend with benefits. Others are only fine with outside hookups but not with sleepovers. By no means do you have to let your man go out and have orgies every weekend, but being a bit more flexible with what is “allowed” works for many people who love their partners but also value emotional and/or sexual variety. For those who can separate the enjoyment of sex from romantic love for their partner, this can be a fantastic set up. While these arrangements are certainly not free from its share of typical monogamous relationship issues (jealousy, miscommunication, etc.), it is clear to see how eliminating the idea of “cheating” from your partnership and keeping an open mind can work for some couples.

Now if you are sitting there sucking your teeth and thinking “my boyfriend/girlfriend loves me and we complete each other” then a reality check is in order. Despite what you’ve been taught throughout your entire life, nobody can “complete” someone else emotionally and physically. In the initial honeymoon phase of any relationship you may believe that, but down the line your partner may need certain things that you cannot or are not willing to provide, no matter how much you want to make them happy. Are you doing your best to emotionally support your girlfriend but she needs more? She may find someone to supplement what is missing. Does your boyfriend like to be whipped but you can’t bring yourself to do that because you think it’s fucking insane? He may go find a dom who will make him scream. Yes, in an ideal world your partner would never want anyone else but you because you have been told repeatedly that you are special, but this is not the reality. I know some couples who have issues with cheating and constantly argue when one partner strays, but continue to stay together in a relationship that feels more like a prison than a partnership. If infidelity is a pattern, experimenting with an open relationship could prove to be a good thing – building trust and emotional stability while offering variety. Opening up a failing monogamous relationship can be disastrous, but for a healthy couple it can allow you to grow closer. Many couples even report that after opening their partnership made them appreciate their partner even more (and it did not become a sexual free-for-all, as you may assume.)

For most people, the idea of an open relationship is better in theory, but not so much in practice. The idea is difficult to mentally wrap their heads around for most people because it directly conflicts with what we have been taught. We live in a generation with so many “options” that we are spoiled for choice, but we are also extremely selfish and want everything for ourselves, and an open relationship can make you more vulnerable than in a monogamous one. Such an arrangement is not easy as it requires even more communication, trust and emotions that a standard relationship as the rules are constantly shifting and evolving. Feeling horribly jealous while your girlfriend is out with another man or incredibly insecure and possessive? Experts say that you need to sit down with yourself and understand why. Open relationships require a certain level of awareness, confidence and selflessness that I do not think many of us have. On top of that there is also a double standard here: while women are not exempt from cheating, most open relationship propositions I have heard come from men who would like to have a loving partner at home but do not want to stop slinging dick around town. I personally think many men would like relationships to be open on their end but would pass out if they found out their lady was out there getting hers. This is not practical because I do not know a single woman who is okay with letting her man run the streets while they are at home in a bonnet making dinner. Open relationships require both parties to swallow their pride and check their egos, which many of us would rather die than do.

After a LOT of internal debate on this topic, I have concluded, I would be willing to discuss opening up a relationship, though not from the beginning. I am an only child and therefore I am selfish. On top of that I am prideful and have a big ego to boot, so there is no doubt that I would have to do a lot of internal work to make sure I was in tune with my emotions, boundaries and well-being before venturing into this territory. I do respect the fact that many couples make these dynamics work, and so I will continue reading and learning about this lifestyle as it has truly opened my eyes and shifted my perspective on the deeply seated Western concepts of monogamy and morality.

For some interesting introductory reading on this topic, go ahead and read Sex At Dawn and The Ethical Slut.

Tinder Thoughts

For some reason there is still somewhat of a stigma around online dating. Whether you are just looking for something casual or like an actual husband there is an app for you from OK Cupid to Plenty of Fish and some other shit I saw on my Facebook timeline called “Farmers Only.” Any girlfriend of mine of mine has likely had me give them a blank stare and screamed “wait you’ve never used Tinder?!” at them at least once. This is because for the better half of a year, Tinder was my go-to way to meet guys. I simply could not resist the temptation of something so easy, fun (usually) and seemingly carefree.

When I first started exploring Tinder after moving back to New York as a post-grad, I was instantly hooked. While there are obviously worse things to be addicted to, there is nothing cute about checking a dating app during a spare moment, a tv commercial, or while your date is in the bathroom. It was difficult not to: I was presented with limitless options, laughs (I mean have you seen some profiles on there?) and dates. At some points I was averaging two-three dates a week like it was a damn extracurricular activity. At first it was fun – there is something incredibly satisfying about getting matched with someone, going on some dates within a few days of “meeting” them and writing them off just as easily. Its a quick ego stroke accompanied by instant gratification. I soon realized, however, that I was using it as a crutch to avoid the alternative: venturing out alone and actually putting myself out into the real, tumultuous dating world with actual emotional risk.

While many of us would like to think otherwise, the basis of Tinder is a shallow one: you see someone hot and decide if you “like” them. From there you may decide to meet up  and see if there’s something else there. Please note: 9/10 times “something else” is not anything serious. I do not care about your co-worker’s sister’s best friend that found bae using the app because this is as unlikely as finding me in church on a Sunday. Using Tinder becomes more about serial dating for the sake of doing so, and as a result the people you meet become disposable as you are constantly thinking there is someone better quite literally at your fingertips. The odds of finding a real connection are like finding a needle in a fucking haystack, and that’s exactly why you log on: to avoid the emotional roller coaster of a real relationship with someone we actually like beyond their physical appearance. I believe that this particular website is designed for emotionally unavailable people who are rebounding, scared of being vulnerable and are solely looking for no string attached fun. I can say this because I was one of them.

There is no doubt that Tinder provided me with some of the best, worst and most comical experiences of my life. I have met guys who I have actually vibed with on legitimate levels, made close friends and gotten out of my comfort zone. I have gotten to know a different types of men, ranging from total sweethearts to absolute narcissists. I have learned that I love artistic guys who are romantic and that full on “bad boys” are not worth the headaches. I learned know that what looks good is not necessarily good for you, and that models are fun to hook up with but not to date. I now know how I would like to be treated and that I am not everyone’s type, which is totally okay and nothing to get bummed about. Most importantly, I learned that I am emotionally ready to truly connect with someone, and that is worth the risk. This self-discovery was critical coming out of college into an entirely new phase of life.

In this digital age I think everyone should try online dating at least once. It is no longer just for your socially awkward friend who has no game or your recently divorced aunt. For Tinder, I recommend going on three dates with different people. I say three because unless you are lucky, the first one will be awkward as fuck, they will not look anything like their photos and you may have to cut the night short. The second and third ones will hopefully be with someone you think is actually attractive and interesting, which will help restore your faith in dating. You may only a good experience, a good meal or a good lay out of it. As Nas says, play on, playa.

Surprisingly enough, I do not have any regrets (and I’m still alive!) so I consider myself one of the fortunate Tinder users in this city. I am only half kidding about the about the not being murdered part. Clearly I watch too much SVU.